By Harris Mayersohn
“[I’m the guy in] a mildly expensive suit… I don’t own a single stock or bond. I have no savings accounts.” – Joe Biden, CBS
“We had no money… and we struggled to, you know, piece together the resources for mortgages for houses, for Chelsea’s education.” – Hillary Clinton, ABC News
Ladies and gentlemen, while most politicians declare their intent to run for president with some ritzy, ooh-la-la spectacle at one of our district’s egregiously expensive-to-rent, symbolically high-ceilinged ballrooms meant for the 1%, I don’t relate to that. In fact, that’s why I’m making this announcement here at this D.C. Outback Steakhouse, which I’m pretty sure middle and lower class Americans can relate to. See, I’m not your standard Washington fat cat. In fact, I believe that I, former Senator John Clemmons of Texas, am the perfect choice to be your next President of the United States of America because I am so damn poor.